Crazy with Grief

Dominique - North Ogden, UT
Oct 1, 2010 - 11:52 AM

In February of 2004, my favorite, big brother Marshall was diagnosed with colon cancer. Unfortunately, chemotherapy and radiation were not strong enough to battle the cancer. He passed away on October 11 of that year.
Prior to his death, I seemed to go a little (or a lot) crazy with grief. I remember driving aimlessly around down-town one day when a friend called to see how I was doing. I couldn't explain what I was doing just driving around with no destination in mind. I really felt like I was crazy and wondered if I'd ever find my stable self again.
Because Marshall and his wife Karen lived in Arizona, my other brothers and sisters made plane reservations to see him in October. But, in early September my sister-in-law called and told us that we'd better come sooner if we wanted to see him because he was declining quickly. Several of us jumped in my brother's surburban and took a road trip to Phoenix. Marshall looked like a walking skeleton! It was very hard to see him so sick, but we had a wonderful reunion and each got to spend some one-on-one time with him. We also got to see his daughters & grand-daughter.
We kept our plane reservations for October, as they were non-refundable, and thought we'd just go and visit Karen. On the Thursday before our arrival, Karen told Marshall that it was okay for him to let go. He asked, "When are they coming?" We arrived on Friday and he died late Sunday night with Karen and my Mom by his side. He waited to say goodbye to us one more time.
Luckily, I had amazing people in my life that helped me function,despite my grief and mourning for Marshall. In time, I did find my stable self again. One of those wonderful people who helped me was Karen Johnson, the author of Griefabet. Thank you Karen for allowing my grief and helping me learn how to help others with theirs.
Although Marshall has moved on from this life, he is still strong in spirit and is one of my favorite guardian angels.